Dunkin Donuts: we taste like subway hand-hold rings

Is this a sea-horse or something??

We cut off peoples' feet and sell them to you as shoes

These advertisements are completely ridiculous and a waste of effort…they don’t seem to serve any purpose.  I certainly don’t want to buy any of these products after seeing them…in fact I will never sleep without shoes again!  If you want to be amazed by some more of the “28 Extremely Creative Advertisements I have Ever Seen” click here.

The above ad was ripped from the pages of Travel and Leisure magazine for its complete ridiculousness. It has sat on my desk for some time — hence the coffee mark — until I found the energy to bring it to you today. You have now paid more attention to this ad than anybody who may have originally glanced at it in print. In case you’re curious, it is an advertisement for a hotel called the Fountainbleau located in Miami beach. But why is there a half naked woman? Is she representative of the many hookers available in the hotel lobby? Is this what a typical hotel guest at the Fountainbleau looks like? Would I, even if I possessed a large amount of disposable income, go to this hotel based on the fact that a naked woman is standing on a balcony?

While the last question may have been asked in a sarcastic tone, let’s look at some math that although is guaranteed to be inaccurate, is displayed for my purpose none the less.

Amount of a full page ad as quoted in T&L media guide ——–$106,000

T&L circulation as quoted in media guide———————————–4.8

million Amount spent by hotel per reader———————————$45

Now, in contrast, let us take a look at a cheap, effective and intelligent marketing strategy from Burger King, The Original Epicenter of Style.

 Up until recently, Burger king was offering a Facebook application that resulted in a free whopper coupon to those who deleted 10 “friends” from their facebook account. PRACTICAL, When you delete one of these friends, burger king would send a notice saying they were sacrificed in the name of someone hungry for a whopper. INCENTIVE, Provided you’re not starving yourself in order to appear in the latest Fountainbleau ad, you’ll do what it takes to get your hands on a whopper (even Freegans like this deal) Now here is some quick math:

Cost of whopper, let’s say————————————————-$3.50

Number sacrificed according to the king—————————–233,906

Less 10 friends for a whopper——————————————–2,333

Total cost of program————————————————— $8,165.50

Cost per participant——————————————————$ 3.5!!!!!!

I just don’t understand why people still advertise in magazines.

Recently, due to the economic environment, companies have been cutting their advertising budgets.  For the ultimate example of cut advertising budgets, we can look at the changes in this years super bowl advertisers.  More generally, another article I read recently mentioned that one third of retailers cut their advertising budget in the past year.

Does this mean many companies were engaging in excessive or useless advertising??  Theoretically, parting with advertising means parting with yet more business if that advertising was at all effective.  This leads to the idea that companies were marketing for the sake of marketing rather than marketing effectively.

Armstrong has turned his success on the bike into success off the bike, starting a foundation that has, to date, raise $250 million for cancer.  How has he done this?  A simple and extremely successful marketing device.  

For a few examples click, here, here or here.

A novel way to convey an old message.

While sitting in my office at work the other day, I overheard some co-workers discussing the upcoming tax season. As you may, or may not know, the state of California is contemplating sending IOU’s to residents of California in lieu of actual tax returns.  One co-worker responded to learning about this by saying that she was just going to send an IOU to the government if she owed money this year.  After googling this issue, I have learned that in fact much of Southern California is in an uproar about this; chat and message boards are alive with much the same discussion.

This lead me to think back to the recent election when California voters approved a myriad of multi-million dollar initiatives to improve roads, schools, hospitals, etc. Most of these measures were supposed to be financed by bonds (the state of California selling debt instruments on the open bond market). Of course, this assumed unreasonable rates of purchase on the bond market and the government is now forced to find other means of financing these projects. In other words, the voters want  the new roads and hospitals they voted for but the tax payers do not want to pay for them.

There is no such thing as a free lunch.

Big Three:  Hey congress, can we have a buyout? 

Federal Government: I don’t know….CAN you?

Big Three:  MAY we have a buyout?????

Federal Government:  Well now that you asked nicely, OK!

It is with sheer amazement that I have watched the drama that is the potential Big Three buyout unfold.  I am sure we can all still recall our amusement when the news story broke regarding the Big Three executives flying company jets to Washington to ask for millions of federal tax dollars.  Funny story, but it completely overshadowed the issue at hand – the need for a bailout.  So what happened in this situation?  It was not a situation where the Congress carefully considered the issue and came back and said “we don’t think this is a good idea”; rather, the Congress said, “we’re not even going to consider that question until you present yourselves better.” (the quoted sections are actually paraphrases that I created to suit this article…but they’re close to fact: (visit here for the factual account of events)

The point here is that if you want something (such as 15-50 billion dollars in federal aid) there is no harm in asking; you might get it.  However, you must present yourself properly and ask the right way.  This lesson can be generalized to all requests.  Are you considering asking your boss for a raise because it’s hard to feed your family?  Don’t drive your Audi to work wearing your new $5,000 watch.  Show up with a plan and demonstrating actual need.

SkyMall Magazine has always been the first thing I go for on any flight, especially now with almost all in-flight amenities costing at least a few dollars a piece. If you don’t fly or have never bothered to reach behind the in-flight magazine and barf bag for this free gem, let me just tell you, it features the most ridiculous products available on the planet Earth. And now, SkyMall Magazine has found its way online. I urge you to follow urlesque.com’s lead and create your own top ten. Look for my best of list very soon.

At the end of every year, publications like Time like to publish their top ten lists of just about everything that happened in the last 365. The only problem is that these lists are compiled from one writer or editor’s personal opinions; and no one cares.

For an alternate perspective on what really mattered in this year, take a look at Google Zeitgeist, a conglomeration of data gained from the kabillions of search queries Google has received in 2008. Take from it what you will, but “Zeitgeist” means “the spirit of the times” in old German, and can’t think of a better way to probe the average American mind than a Google search. In a search bar, people can and will type what is important to them, without fear of degradation from anyone finding out their dark and twisted ambitions, odd interests, and lack of knowledge on basic current events.

A sample of the top ten lists. (Rankings per category are featured in descending order of importance).

Social Networks
facebook, myspace, hi5, orkut, linkedin, nasza klasa, netlog, mixi, meetup, odnoklassniki

Cocktails
martini, mojito, margarita, manhattan, cosmopolitan, sangria, bellini, mai tai, white russian, bloody mary

Olympic Sports
gymnastics, swimming, soccer, tennis, basketball, volleyball, equestrian, bmx, boxing, baseball

Who is…
who is obama, who is mccain, who is palin, who is lil wayne, who is miley cyrus, who is dolla, who is jonas brothers who is chris brown, who is biden, who is martin luther

What is…
what is love, what is life, what is java, what is sap, what is rss, what is scientology, what is autism, what is lupus, what is 3g, what is art

How to…
how to draw, how to kiss, how to write, how to cook, how to tie, how to hack, how to run how to cite, how to paint, how to spell